Enjoy the silence / RIP, Stan

Words like violence
Break the silence
Come crashing in
Into my little world
Painful to me
Pierce right through me
Can’t you understand
Oh, my little girl
All I ever wanted
All I ever needed
Is here
In my arms
Words are very
They can only do harm

I haven’t said much about Stan, but trust me, since I turned off my heart for a bit in the last 10 months to save my soul, I haven’t felt so sad in a long time.

Stan was a friend, a lover, even if I knew him only very briefly, we shared some really nice memories. I’ll remember him for his big dreams in politics. I remember the way he used to tell me about his big brother Nicolas, how much respect he has for him. I remember Stan’s big love for rugby and to serve. He went back and was in the French Navy for awhile I believe.

We met in 2015 at one of those epic Sofitel rooftop nights. He was on internship and was so exceptionally cute. We talked about rugby a lot that night. He was always such a cheeky fella to me, but always warm and always kind, not to mention exceedingly handsome. Every time I see him after at someone’s place, it was always quite electric.

Even though I only knew him briefly, the conversations were strong. He told me about his dreams to travel the world, to serve the French military, and to maybe go into politics like his brother Nicolas did.

And it’s funny, I haven’t seen him in 3 years, and I sometimes still think of him in little vignettes. I really struggled when I found out he had died in a car crash over the Easter weekend. I cried so much that night… I don’t know what else I could have done except to pray for his beautiful soul. I haven’t spoken to the rugby guys yet, but from his LinkedIn, I think he might have died in Senegal…which somehow just makes it more tragic. He had just started an amazing new role running logistics with this startup that is doing food delivery in several countries in Africa. He would have done so well.

I meet a lot of people, and all my friends will know that I have a magical ability to attract the best and the worst people, but always with a great story to tell at the end. Sometimes these human beings leave a devastating trail in my life. But more often than not, it’s the little moments and conversations that we share that make each and every encounter so beautiful and unique.

Rest in peace, Stan, I will always remember the cheeky things you ever said to me, our long walk under the stars, the late night conversations in a park, and the way your eyes sparkle when you speak of your brother, your family and of rugby. I will honor your memory and try to live everyday in the best and fullest way that I can. (Featured photo from his Facebook cover photo. Epic tourist, as the Gaulois boys called him.)

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